| your halo is slipping down to choke you now... |
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| 04:59pm 19/07/2007 |
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mood:  annoyed music: a perfect circle - the noose
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hat would you do if i became a ordained?
http://openordination.org/ordination.php?crn=198
come on it's 30 bucks.... wouldn't that be some shit?
someone who is now in the military and used to be a great friend of mine in highschool just posted some biggotted shit, that i am even too embarrassed to share with you. he reposted something about not caring how people in iraq are being treat because no one apologized about 9/11 it was heinous. this guy is smart too, he is so capable of being something special and this is what he thinks of other people? other human beings? he thinks that because they don't pray to his particular brand of good they should all die? that is rediculous. i'm so sad, i thought he was a good person, and he was so fucking smart when i knew him what happened you know? what happened?
i blocked his ass, we're not friends anymore, i hope he never reproduces and spreads his hatred to others. how fucking sad...
i wonder what made him turn into this kind of monster.... |
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| Effalumps and woozles |
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| 10:41am 11/07/2007 |
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mood:  depressed music: nine inch nails - heresy
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so i read the lottery at work on Monday because they have a lot of random books lying around my job. and because i can.
for a story that's old as crap i seem to see it everywhere, and it makes me more disillusioned, and bitter about teh' world.
So I've been depressed for the passed couple of days and feeling kind of bitter. i don't know, i think partially is because i got so involved in my activist thing that i scheduled it into my life, but now i don't do it anymore... i don't know what to do with the free time. And so i get bored, and depressed and start to feel guilty about shit like children starving in Africa.
i need to not go home and be responsible tonight i need to do something, i would prefer to call a pal, like sandy or someone but i start to feel clingy if i do that too much. but if sandy or someone calls me that's entirely different. and i think Eric's back in my life again.... how croosty is that? we'll see what the deal is shortly kids.
here have some music for your troubles;
// He sewed his eyes shut
because he is afraid to see
He tries to tell me
what I put inside of me
He's got the answers
to ease my curiosity
He dreamed a God up
and called it Christianity
God is dead and no one cares!
If there is a hell I will see you there
He flexed his muscles
to keep his flock of sheep in line
He made a virus
that would kill off all the swine
His perfect kingdom
of killing, suffering and pain
Demands devotion
atrocities done in his name
God is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there
your god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there
God is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there
Drowning in his own hypocrisy
And if there is a hell I will see you there
Burning with your God in humility
Will you die for this? //
nothing like a bit o heresy to make my day a little brighter...
so what do you think i should do with my time?
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| I HATE KILL BILL |
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| 02:48pm 19/02/2006 |
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mood:  pissed off music: deftones - white pony
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yes i hate kill bill, i am not a fan, i thought it was a stupid movie, and i really wish people will stop asking me " why? " no i do not need to explain it to you. if you do that's good for you leave me alone, it was not new, it was not special, it was just another tarentino piece of shit... you people all bore me, and i've spent so much time around you that it will be hard for me to find other people. well guess what, hard is not impossible, i've on it before i'll do it again.. go watch kill bill stroke some more of that movie cock... ciao |
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| i coulda told you that |
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| 01:50am 12/10/2005 |
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mood:  amused music: daft punk - television rules the nation
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Your Political Profile
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Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal
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Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
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Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
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Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
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Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
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Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
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| what if? |
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| 01:14am 12/10/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated music: daft punk - make love
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ok, so here comes another rant...
what do you do when you fall in love... and the other person doesn't love you back? what do you do when you are opposite of whaat they want? how do you act when you find out? a scenario if you will. you spend a life waiting for that one person, for that one moment when the world slows down because you met that person. and it happens. you talk to that person and they talk to you and spend hours together, not alone, at a party talkign, singing laughing, enjoying life. you like this person from moment one, their eyes, hair, nose, the way their hair gathers in a little triangle at the nape of heir neck. this person you seem to have a lot in common, you are already thinking about how happy you will be getting back to your apartment, telling your roommate about them. when the light comes on, they don't back away from you in fear, when you look at them, you realize that they aren't perfect, you see that their nose is to big, and their lips are thinner then you thought, but you still want to be around them to know their smell, to feel their arms, and then, the girlfriend walks up, your opposite and kissesss them. do you stop to think about it? or do you just grit your teeth and move on. what about the next time you meet? when you are in your mind tryingt to forget how they said the right words, how they brushed your bangs out of your face. and they hug you, and they insist on being around you, they want to be your friend. what happens when they are single? when you hope and wish and pray, but they can no longer see you for what you are, a girl, a woman a possible lover, a wonderful potential mate. but for some odd reason they think of you as a girl, a child, a sister, a cousin, a friend... and nothing more? what do you do when you can no longer keep the secret of your unrequited love... the fact that you have been waiting for them for so long to see... was it worth the wait when tey start datign again? ' how long is too long to wait? ' you ask your friends... ' wait for him! ' they say, ' are you crazy? you two are sooo compatible ' so you wait thru the next girl. and wonder to yourself, is it a mistake for me to wait just the way i am or should i be wearing more make up, wearingmore fitting clothes? should i be trying more to be his ideal? if i won't settle for less then him, why would he settle for n - e less then his ideal? why doesn't he notice me? why does he see thru me? so you wait, not wanting to give in to what he thinks he wants... you know better right? your friends they know guys, they tell you what will happen while you wait. and everytime you meet a guy who might be nice you atart looking for his clone. cause as he gets older he keeps dating girls that are prettier than you, but have your interests... almost exactly, except they like shopping, and makeup, and are only pretending to want a man's man. they don't actually like his fave team, they want a ride to the next makeup counter. so what do you? do you wait? how long is tooo long? will you be that lucky 2 part of that lucky 2 percent of the population who doesn't have to suffer thru unrequited love longer than a few months? a few years? a few decades? and then it happens... you've waited to long, and your friends they don't know what to say. how do you take it when their jaws drop, in almost mock disbelief, when you come to them with a fake smile and tell them he's getting married in 2 months? when they say ' oh honey he didn't deserve you n - e - way ', ' there are other fish in the sea ', how do you not feel pathetic? what if it's just not worth waiting? how do you rip yourself away from this thing you knew you couldn't have when you met, who has never given you a second thought, who wanted you as a friend, but nothing more... what about the theories of men and women not being able to be friends? what if you are the exception to the rule? the wrong rule... the rule that says you will wait and wait, and no matter what you do you will ultimately loose what you've always wanted in the end, before you ever had it. when do you get to be part of lucky 2% that falls in love, eternal love, with that person who you looked up at one day and created your dreams? what if, some of us were meant to never know that thing called love, and latched on to something they knew they would never have. what if you knew you would be alone but couldn't accept it so hung on until you found... he's getting married... and not to me... what if, that was the last straw? |
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| yeah speak for yourself |
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| 09:23am 05/10/2005 |
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mood:  determined music: daft punk - steam machine
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get ready for a rant, i don't know how to link, so skip me if you want.
well the apartment search hasn't changed much, but we still remain hopful, i just found out 1 of my faveroite co workers is quiting... with a one week notice. i rarely see him n - e - more cause he switched to the night shift. you know what sucks about running a store within a store within a mall, that is just a big store... i can't blame n - e - one else for my mistakes... when my staff members quit it's because of me... i''m not making them want to their shitty jobs for shitty pay. i'm not making them exited about the fact that i get paid more than them, i'm not making them happy to move giant refirdgerators that haven't been moved for months and clean underneath.... it's my fault that the person who was here before me didn't know what he was doing and just hung on long enough to get a promotion. half the time he was in a drug induced haze. but it's not his fault either, the truth is my employers, ( the ones who pay me to run a store inside a store, aren't smart enough to run the original store... let alone tell me how to run mine... they mix our buisnesses together... they are doomed to failure... they are going to be bought out... which will look good for me, because i will be the one who gets to look good for ushering a change over. i brought in the new people. the better people the ones who know what they're doing... i made the company sooo much money... but i'm homeless... so i will do this, i will find an apartment, I WILL find an apartment, i will turn my store, inside a store inside a store from a pile of shit to a gleaming pile of geniousness, then i will get promoted and let some other poor sap take it over... and let them know that what they just stepped into was not good money, but shitty corporate budget cutting... and although it looks good and pretty it will be a piece of shit... and just when that person wants to kill themselves.. i will tell them how it goes down. there is an ugly side of this... yes it gets worse i will tell that poor soul that they cannot wait to fire him, for the next kool kid willing to work for less then their worth, the trick is to hold on until they need you in a new position( no really, watch everyone else pull the same mess.) tip toe on bullshit, make them hate you, make them need you, make them want to fire you...then quick, quit. it akes the world inside the world inside the world seem like it is ever changing. ' you did a good job we will miss you they say ', they lie, do like i do, work really hard for really long, but don't care, don't take your work home with you... make them look like they over do it, make them hate you.. don't stress out, just quit before you're fired... it works for the best of them... if this was your career instead of just another job... we wouldn't be talking...move on kid, this isn't a permanent gig. it's ok, this is retail, move up or move out. if you're lucky... like me do both...
whatever, i ramble on and on... about nothing, this is what goes on in my head after work... this store within a store, within a store. this way you'll always be the hard back and never the mass market... |
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| homeless |
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| 10:35am 29/09/2005 |
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mood:  cold music: meshuggah
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yes folks it's true i am infact..... homeless.
and yet i found my way to a croostputer to post.... hnnnn, i don't suppose n - e of you out there are looking for a roommate, and loves dogs. i need a new place to stay you see, and it's just my dog and me. no, i'm not really a bad mommy, i just have unreliable friends at the moment. 1 in particular. this is not all his fault though, it was both of ours. me for taking the role as the responsible adult... him for climbing a traffic light in front of the cops. my supposedly future roommate, got a ticket for a d.i.p. a few days before we were supposed to sign a lease and therefore because of this he had to pay fine, and could not afford first months rent... at least this happened before we signed the lease, i guess.. however it took me all summer to find an apartment that i could afford with him and keep my dog... asshole. i'm not really sure if i'm mad at him or myself for thinking that he would have his shit togther. so now it's time for a confrontaion between us. he is supposed to have his shit together by october and that october is upon us. i refuse to loose my dog because of him. all i ever wanted was the mutt, and now i have him, and i'll fucking jump a plane to japan before i give him up because of this dumb fuck. he's still my friend though. but to all you who live in my area, want a roommate and love dogs, there's a homeless girl over here who just may be the one for you! |
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| live it large |
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| 12:44am 18/09/2005 |
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mood:  bitchy music: harold and kumar
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life sucks live it large! lol, life does suck, jason is mia, i'm single.. again, and i'm a jealous bitch........ but sandy is back!!!! again... for a year this time. yay!! |
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| i just can't get enough |
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| 11:19am 24/05/2005 |
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mood: cold music: varuca salt - i want it now
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i tried t deny t, but i can't i need help to badly and i have too much info. besides, this is the easiest way to avoid being a drama queen, so i will make a larger return then i had thought... i think...hnn |
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| I WANT TO SWIMMMMMMM!!!!!!! |
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| 02:13pm 09/05/2005 |
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mood:  chipper music: A perfect circle - weak and powerless
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Your Taste in Music:
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| 80's Alternative: Highest Influence | | 80's Pop: Highest Influence | | 90's Alternative: Highest Influence | | Alternative Rock: Highest Influence | | Heavy Metal: Highest Influence | | Old School Hip Hop: Highest Influence | | 80's R&B: High Influence | | Adult Alternative: High Influence | | Punk: High Influence | | Ska: High Influence | | 90's Hip Hop: Medium Influence | | 90's R&B: Medium Influence | | 90's Rock: Medium Influence | | Classic Rock: Medium Influence | | Gangsta Rap: Medium Influence | | Progressive Rock: Medium Influence | | 90's Pop: Low Influence | | Dance: Low Influence |
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| chello world |
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| 01:53pm 09/05/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Aqualung
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hey ya'll it's been awhile, who loves me? i quit my job on friday, and am doing so much better right now. but i feel like i hvn'en't been here in a while to vent. if i vent here i won't actually have to talk to n - e - one else either. Graduation was on sunday, yay!!! now it comes time to revel in the suckyness of the real world. i need a new job... i have a month to find one, but i'm not sure how to do it again. see i haven't quite yet recovered from the last one, i'm just so tired and there's so much i want to do, but shit costs money. i was supposed to go up to boston with dan and nick this week, but i think i shall cancel so that i can go to dave and busters for an interview. i don't know what would you choose? getting messed up for 4 days straight with your pals or getting finicially sound? suggestions welcome. i think i finnally figured out why they make you work so hard and gt good grades while you're young though.... because when you're older you're capability to learn is dimminished. Drugs, booze, men, women, late nights, early mornings, s&m, nicotine vallium, vicodin, marijiuna, extasy, and alcohol.... all these things make you stupid... and you want them, and if you take them it makes you even dumber. yes i am an idiot, with an addictive personality, a short life span, and i am a jobless wonder... oh well, at least i have a dog...
and nicotine, and mary jane, and sex, and booze to fall back on...... well mostly, i'm happiest about the dog. |
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| the beginning of the rest of my life |
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| 09:33pm 24/12/2004 |
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mood:  bored music: cracker - low
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how do i? it's my first x -mas alone. i love my friends though! they are so great, do you have n - e idea how great it is to have 13+ plus people get together and buy you what you really want for christmas? it is geniuS!!!! brilliant!!! WONDERFUL!!! god my let's hope next year is better than the last. pray fpr me yall! please! ok but this here is my dilemma... it's been a year, i still feel the way i feel... i don't know about him... but he is kind of dense... he's kind of flirty, but... i don't know. how do i creativly tell him how i feel? baaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! and then there is this other guy who's married with a child... but still a compulsive flirt... he needs to STOP FLIRTING~! or i will take action... and i just might like it... and so would he... men....are... GENIOUS~~~~!!!!!!!!!! but they suck.... i just need to jump somone's bone, cause, this fuckingregodamndiculous. who wants to help me decide... married man... an aquaintences ex? which one should jump first? or maybe both...hnnnn |
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| grrrrrrrrreat! |
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| 11:45am 17/09/2004 |
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mood:  blah music: tina marie - wishing on a star
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life is wonderful all my friends are still my friends we all hangout on the regular, we all croost about and have great fun, so why am i unhappy? i'm feeling that sting again, i'm lonely, i want to have sex, and maybe i might be capable of more, i don't know, what is going on. i don't want to spen my days off sleeping, i don't want to play vid games by myself, i want to have someone, you know around... i feel lost. like i'm in some kind of dispair, like i need to be saved. i hate being outdone by the boys cause i don't know maybe i'm just bored. but i know that i am lonely, and when i try to meet people, they usually just piss me off. so i sit here with my fandom and my vid games and books, like the perfect man will just knock on the door and ask where i've been all his life. this sucks, i want... something. something make my life not so fuckin' lonely. me time is one thing... this is just not enough. i don't know, i'm whining, sorry guys. some people are just never happy.
we went to dave and busters lastnight and r got sick cause they put meat in her fudd, she was really pissed, and it kind of spoiled the night for her. and on top of that shiezer, they didn't even hook us up with any good shit, we tipped them 7 dollars and gave the bartender cash, and still all they did was take off the her fudd, wtf mate? someone should have ate for free. damnit. n - e - way, when they see us again next week, they'll be jumpin over themselves, to hook us up. oh yeah if you do go to dnb in md, the beast bartenders are mikey and jimmy. yea yimmy!!! thursday night dnb happy hour!!! maybe i'll meat them man of my dreams there. |
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| the 21st is one of the best |
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| 02:09pm 03/09/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: aerosmith - dream on
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today is nina's 21st!!! yay happy birthday nina!! it's time for club hoppin in adams morgan tonight! wish me luck!!!! i've already gotten tipsy in honor of nina's birthday today lol! drunken ims are the best! lol, oh and happy birthday to dan too!!! |
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| the first of the month |
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| 01:02pm 01/09/2004 |
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mood: awake music: led zeppelin - wearing and tearing
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today is david's 21st birthday! yay! we already took his birthday shot and hopefully we will be hitting a happy hour near you! i'm gonna give him his birthday hits lata, maybe we'll even stop by ben's and live it up wit them. who knows, all things are possible on your 21st. i pray that his is soo much better than mine. we got a 1 year old blackmail roll of film. man sophmore year was most recockuless >.< boobie wars, ass wars, who knows. right now i'm waiting for rekha to get home and sneaking in on david's comp. lol, i feel bad sometimes i really don't want to pay for tv or internet cause i know i can live without both ( usually not at the same time though ) but i def. feel like since i'm home alot on my days off i watch too much tv. >.< i need to go out more, it's not ass easy as just going down to nicks apartment and chillen or next store to see 'jamin' n - e - more. oh well, i like my place.
god, most people don't understand it, but summer magic is still here, it's still with us, can you believe summer has been here for 3 months. it's only been 3 months since that magic started happening, paychecks and, drinking, smashed by 10, at work by 9 and it starts all over again. what a way to live... i thought we were getting old, but this summer smashdom has proved that we will be young bucks forever. you never really get older you never really change that much... but the scenery does. luv ya babies, it looks like it's true... come what may, and the mafiosos never die. we just act crazier earlier in the afternoon. bwahahahahaha!!! |
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| bitter tears of sweet sorrow/ or why does everything i touch turn to shit? |
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| 06:43pm 31/08/2004 |
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mood:  sad music: massive attack - teardrop
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i'm sorry. i am a selfish bitch, and i am going to cry. i stopped using my lj for a long time because i find that this is the only place where i show emotion, and when that emotion is anger i say alot of shit i don't mean. for example the whole kiki thing.
i though we were kool, i thought after that long ass convo we would be friends again. i miss kiki, the army boys i can live with or without, and i have my fave's whatever. but i thought the 10th floor mafia was back large and in charge. man was i wrong. the same thing happens every year. everytime i find a kool group of people, we " grow apart " and it never feels good. everything i touch does in fact turn to shit. but goddamnit, why can't it be like before. why can't we all be friends? fuckers!?!
did i do this? is this my fault? if it is let me know, i can be just like yuki this time... if i caused this drama, if i made your world fall apart i am truly sorry. put me behind you and let me eat your dust. don't ruin years of friendship because, i was out of line. i don't know how many ways to say i'm sorry. you all took me in and took care of me. it was never my intention to drive n - e - one apart. but if i have, i will take full responsibility for my actions.
tell me what i can do if n - e - thing to make it better, even if all i can do is bow out gracefully. r, b, and k. i'm really sorry, maybe someday you'll see this and know how sorry i am. |
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| lazy days of summer |
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| 01:45pm 29/05/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy music: the lord of the rings - return of the king
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the magic is returning i can feel it in my soul, i can feel it in my bones, summer flings, summer jobs summer everything. it's not even summer yet, on june 5th the magic will be accessable, on the solstice it will be everywhere... now is my time to shine but for now i will bide. Bide my time. it wil all be complete soon. |
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| life goes on - but i can't sleep |
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| 02:57am 27/05/2004 |
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mood:  sleepy music: stone temple pilots
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well life goes on drama ends and i still stay the same. i have a coworker who sys she and i won't get along because i'm a capricorn, and she's a libra... or mabe it was leo, and she hates capricorns... hn, ah well. it looks like we'll be avoiding each other. what an interesting first impression to make... " hey, i'm your new asst. boss, what's your sign? " " capricorn? oh wow, well i've been with capricorns before and i dont like them... " well at least she's honest. i know that we're gonna have drama... why god why?
it seems like once i get one section of my life squared away here comes another shiezer filled thing, fuck that it's not worth it, i don't have the time nor the patience to wait for you. i have a countdown clock to my end, and you know what that's fine. if you don't want to be pals i understand, don't make me feel comfy and welcome when i drop by, just to ignore my phone calls the next day when i call you for something important. no i am not just calling you for them, no i don't want to hang out with you to take advantage of you, if you don't want to be friends n - e - more, then just tell me, i'm not leslie. i can take a hint... i hate this sooo much, i make friends with people and think we're not really parting that, you know everything is gravy and if i call you tom., you'll enjoy hangin' out with me and it won't be a chore... what now, like the whole sandy in mike thing; to find out 6 months later that they grinned all up in my face, but where mad cause i was just as poor as them... that upsets me, or this thing with matt right now, he says he wants to hang out with me, but my weedle friends make him uncomfortable... and now he won't return my calls... i know when you're home dumbass, there's no need to treat me like a moron... and it's just all of that shit... but whatever, it's just the stress of coming up on moving on with my life... how do i tell my parents to fuck off...
where am i gonna keep my gecko, i won't be able to splurge my moneys away on vid games and manga n - e - more... i have to find an apartment that i can afford by myself... i want to get a dog, and then i can die happy... but i still haven't died yet, and i won't die between now and december... i don't know whetther that's good or bad... i guess it's good, i wouldn't want to die without leaving this country... that would suck.
n - e - way i have work tom, so ima go to bed, hopefully tom will be another happy day.
oh yean i saw this guy... that i find... alright to look at today... after not seeing him in almost over a month... he said he'd be around... yes same guy, no no chance, not in hell, but according to derrick i can move over my crush with hot mens at work... let's hope he considered their prefrence before recommending them. |
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shinigamisdemon's journal
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